the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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