i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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