Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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