He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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