my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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