did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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