then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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