soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
