Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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