ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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