I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
