Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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