I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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