today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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