a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
