Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
