Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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