I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
