Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
