Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me