so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?