Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How does it feel to date your dad?
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