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• (917): View more from New York City

  I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  We've been saying that since '98

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  she smelled like a LAN party

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.

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• 

  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.

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• (323): View more from California

  He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.

  (310): View more from California

  Please stop calling it that.

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• (714): View more from California

  Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.

  (1-226): View more from Ontario

  I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo

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