i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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