Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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