hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.