He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are all done wearing pants today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.