i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night