It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
