Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so fucking centered right now
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
