Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
