i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
