I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
