I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
