took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
