I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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