apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
