dude i'm inner monologue high
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
