Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
