he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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