i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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