CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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