when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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