I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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