So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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