dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
