I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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