is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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