their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
