I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize