If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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