I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
