Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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