The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
