Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
