I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
