Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
