so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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