Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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