he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
