I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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