I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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