I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
