i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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