i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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