I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
