You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was like eating out sand paper
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
