North Korea, Best Korea!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
