He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
