Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no, he came in my armpit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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