Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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