hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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