guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
