my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
