oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
