i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
