I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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