Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
love makes seman taste better
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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