have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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