I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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