She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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