Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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