So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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