Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
