I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
